November 2006 | BackWords
Namaste, Mr. President
By Daniel Cota
1) Vrksasana (Tree Pose)
Folks, I love this pose because it allows me to listen to the trees. It’s true, and it really works! Last year I was at the annual Christmas tree lighting and put myself right into Vrksasana. Then I heard it, “Gmee, ttrrk mttt.” Huh? Rummy was there too, and I told him what I heard. “It is telling us to cut down more trees,” he said. Of course! I ran to the closest watering hole and penned the first draft of the Healthy Forests Initiative. Doing good is too easy sometimes.
2) Savasana (Corpse)
Folks, this pose may look easy, but it really takes hours and hours of practice to master. You don’t just lie there on the ground, but rather relax all the muscles of the body. Then the hardest part: Keep your mind from thinking. My yogi tells me that it’s a tough thing for most people to do, but that I have a special knack for it. That makes me happy.
3) Ustrasana (Camel)
Saddam. Oh, Saddam! How you haunt my dreams at night! I still remember seeing the photo of you in your underwear. To think, the supreme evildoer of the world wears the same brand as I! I told my yogi about the confusion I felt at seeing such a thing, and he recommended Camel pose. “Start by sitting on the knees, and then grab the ankles and rise up above your jealousy and confusion,” he told me. It has definitely helped me, but just to be safe, I’ve asked Laura to buy me a different brand.
4) Upavistha Konasana in Sirsasana (Settled Head Angle)
Make no mistake, this pose is an integral part of my No Child Left Behind program. When you’ve got so much blood rushin’ to your head, you can’t help but get smarter. This pose is a cost-effective way to increase test scores—no federal funding necessary. Just get those kids onto their heads! An added benefit is that it also helps to clear the nasal passages, which is great, as there is little in this world as frustrating as the inability to snort things quickly.
Excerpted from the hilarious new instructional yoga manual Bush Yoga, by Daniel Cota (Bloomsbury). Use these poses to ponder the way you’ll vote, and make sure to get out and speak your peace on Election Day this Nov. 7. See you at the polls!
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